


Explanations and Revelations

by deansdirtywhore



Series: My life with the Winchesters [6]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-31
Updated: 2016-05-31
Packaged: 2018-06-06 15:43:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6759988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deansdirtywhore/pseuds/deansdirtywhore
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Reader tries to process and make sense of her overwhelming and confusing emotions regarding Dean and the kiss.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Explanations and Revelations

"Mom?" You called, slowly opening the front door. "Are you home?" Castiel stood beside you, alert, seemingly ready for an attack. 

"Perhaps you should have called first?" Cas suggested, hand firmly gripping the handle of his angel blade. 

"Relax, Cas, she's probably just gone to the store or something." you assured the angel, placing a hand on his arm. "I'll give her a call." You pulled out your phone and dialed your mom's number. 

"Hey, sweetie!" She called through the phone, "what'cha doing?" 

"I just wanted to talk. Are you busy?"

"Well, I just got some groceries and I gotta put those away, but if it can wait until I get that done, you'll have my full attention."

You struggled to contain a giggle. "Yeah, that's fine" you told her, "you do that and then we'll talk."

"Alright, I'm almost home. I'm just coming up the road now so I'll call you back in a few minutes."

"Okay." You hung up the phone and turned to Cas. "She'll be home in just a minute. And Cas," you looked at him imploringly, "please, don't say ANYTHING to her about this morning."

The angel squinted at you. "You mean about how you...almost died?" He whispered the last words as if your mother might hear.

"Yes. That. I don't want her to worry, so promise me you won't tell her."

Cas looked at you thoughtfully for a moment and you thought he might refuse to keep your secret. But then he offered you his pinky. 

"I promise with my pinky that I will not tell."

You entwined your pinky with his and tried not to laugh. 

"Where did you learn that from?" You asked, trying to wrap your mind around the thought of an Angel of the Lord making a pinky promise. 

"Charlie." He answered.  _Of course._ "She said that to make a promise with one's pinky was to make a sacred, unbreakable vow."

"The  _most_ sacred." You said seriously, straining to keep a straight face. 

You looked out the front window and saw your uncle's red pickup truck pull in. You stepped outside, followed by Cas, and you couldn't contain your smile at the look of surprise on your mom's face as she stepped out of the vehicle. 

"You little brat, why didn't you tell me you were here?!" She said, hugging you tightly. "More fun this way." You replied, as she released you and your uncle pulled you into a side hug before loading up your arms with shopping bags. "Here," he said with a teasing smirk, "make yourself useful."

"Where are the boys?" Your mom asked. "They can help too."  _Well,_ you thought,  _here goes nothing._

"There not here." You said, looking at your feet and realizing you'd forgotten to put on shoes before making your sudden getaway. "Cas brought me." You explained, noting your mother's confusion. 

She looked at the trench-coated man behind you, as if noticing him for the first time. 

"What's wrong?" She asked seriously, and try as you might to convince her that nothing was wrong, she just wasn't buying it. 

"Look, young Lady, you did not just come all the way from Kansas, _without_ the boys, to _talk_ , because _'nothing's wrong'_."

You sighed, and seemingly reading your mind, Cas looked to your uncle. "Perhaps we should give them some privacy." Your uncle nodded and began hauling the shopping into the house. 

"I would simply transport the groceries, but - " Cas whispered to you, and your mom cut him off. "He knows" she said, as your uncle came back out of the house, "I told him." You glanced at your uncle, and then at Cas, and shrugged. Cas snapped his fingers and the whole load of groceries disappeared. "Your food has been sorted and put away" he said, and your mom and uncle just blinked at him. They were both aware that he was an angel, but neither had seen him...poof....anything. It was quite the thing to see the first few times. 

 

* * *

 

 

"Wait, Dean, hang on a second!" Sam called, jogging up behind his brother, "She left so she could be alone, don't you think that maybe going after her is exactly what she _doesn't_ want right now?" Dean stopped, sighing heavily at the sense in his brother's logic. "Just give her some time, she'll come home on her own."

"You're probably right... Dammit!" he groaned, kicking the wall. Sam had tried all morning not to be nosy and ask why they were both acting so odd, but now with Y/N essentially 'running away from home', he couldn't keep his questions to himself any longer. 

 

* * *

 

"So, you haven't talked about it?" your mom asked, sipping a cup of tea and listening intently to your account of the last two days. After your uncle had gone home and Cas had returned to...whatever he had been doing before you called for him.... you told your mother about having been sick (conveniently leaving out the part where your fever got so high you almost died, of course), flirting-under-the-influence with Dean like you always did, climbing into bed with him when you got cold, and the infamous, accidental kiss that had you in a state of bewilderment all morning. 

"Not really, no. I mean he kinda cornered me after breakfast and actually asked if we were ever going to talk about it, but then, I don't know, I don't know what happened, I just suddenly felt extremely vulnerable and threatened and... I panicked..."

Your mom looked at you with an expression you weren't sure of; confusion? Skepticism? Calm concern? "What do you mean, you panicked? What happened?"

"I mean, he started harmlessly teasing me like he always does and for some reason, I turned into a frightened rabbit!" you had begun to raise your voice, becoming more flustered by the second. "I was shaking like a damn leaf, and I couldn't look him in the eye, and when he noticed how nervous I'd become, he reached for me to calm me down, and  _WHAT_ do I do?! I  _FLINCH!_ I actually, physically flinched away from him. From  _Dean_! The man who's done nothing but take care of me since the day we met! I mean he literally saved my life and then proceeded to be insanely overprotective and take care of me day and night, and now he probably thinks I'm afraid of him and that _he's_ done something to scare me and,  _oh god..._ " your incessant rambling came to an abrupt halt as you suddenly made a troubling realization. "I just ran away and now Dean probably thinks this is all _his_ fault and he's gonna blame himself and probably start pulling away and distancing himself like he always does and _UGH!_ How could I be so  _stupid_!" 

 

* * *

 

 

Mere seconds after Sam had asked what was going on between Dean and yourself, the boys heard the metallic creak of the bunker door swinging open on its hinges, and then slam shut heavily. When they got to the front of the bunker and looked up to the landing, they were greeted with one of the last sights they expected to see. 

"Knock knock, bitches!" 

"Charlie!" Dean, followed close behind by Sam, quickly headed toward the old metal staircase, meeting their favourite hacker genius at the foot of the stairs, and each of them in turn pulled her into a tight hug. 

"What are you doing here?" Sam asked, releasing her from a warm embrace. 

"I was in the area, thought I'd swing by. So, what's new with _Winchesters and company_?"

Dean suddenly looked sheepish, prompting Sam to put his brother on the spot in the hopes of finally getting some answers. 

 

* * *

 

 

"Sweetie, calm down." your mother said, placing a hand on your knee. "I'm sure everything will be just fine once you explain it to him."

"I can't explain it to him, mom, that's just gonna make things worse!" 

"Why is that gonna make things worse?" 

You roll your eyes at how obvious it should be. "Because, in order to make him understand why I reacted the way I did, I would basically have to tell him outright that I've had a gigantic crush on him since the second we met, and that kissing him, brief and accidental though it may have been, was too much for my brain to process and it caused me to short circuit and panic! Because if he knows that, then everything is gonna be weird and awkward and I'm gonna have to fake my death, or at LEAST move out, and then I'll probably never see them again AND I CAN'T HANDLE THAT!" 

Your mother simply pulled you into a hug and rubbed your back as you tried to calm down and catch your breath after your rant. After 20-some-odd years of being your mother, she was more than a little familiar with the way you handled stressful situations, not to mention how long-winded your rants could be. 

"You have to tell him. If you don't, he's just going to go into guilt mode and blame himself for a situation he doesn't even understand, you said that yourself." She pulled away and cupped your face in her hands. "Don't you think he deserves to know that it wasn't him that you were running away from?" 

You hung your head in defeat, not wanting to admit that, as humiliating as it was sure to be, you really did owe Dean an explanation, and would have to face him sooner or later. 

 

 

* * *

 

 

" _Dude_....." Charlie just stared at Dean for a moment in that way that women do when a man has just admitted to saying or doing something that should be lesson number one of things a man should never do or say to a woman. Ever. 

" _Dude_ , what?" He answered, clearly not appreciating the slight judgmental vibe he was feeling.

"You _kissed_ her?" Sam chimed in, "No wonder she ran away" he stage-whispered to Charlie, earning a snort from her, and a shoulder punch from his brother.

"I didn't kiss her on purpose, ok, it was an accident"

Sam gave his brother a skeptical look. "Are you even capable of kissing a woman _un_ intentionally?" 

Dean gave Sam his own bitchface before their slight bickering was interrupted by Charlie.

"Guys, it really doesn't matter whether it was intentional or not, the fact is, this is, potentially, a big problem."

"How do you mean?" the brothers asked in unison.

Charlie sighed heavily. "Look, it's _really_ not my place to tell you this, so you  _CANNOT_  tell her I told you! If she finds out I told you, I don't care who spilled the beans, you're _both_ getting kicked in the nards! The reason Y/N freaked out like that...." She shook her head, unable to believe what she was about to tell the brothers. "Y/N is a virgin. She's never had a boyfriend, and Dean, just so you know, accident or not, you totally just stole her first kiss."

_And suddenly the pieces started to fit together._

"She's like a tiger that was born in captivity and suddenly released into the wild to fend for herself. She's never been in this kind of situation before and she has no idea how to handle it. I'm sure she probably just got a bit spooked and needed someplace quiet to sort out her thoughts without you two hounding her for an explanation." 

Dean sighed heavily, his hand rubbing at the back of his head roughly. "Shit..." 

"How long ago did she leave?" Charlie asked, brow furrowed in concentration as if she were mulling something over in her head.

"Not sure," Sam answered, "Maybe an hour, hour and a half tops. Depends at what point she left between disappearing after breakfast and us finding the note in her room about half an hour later."

"Hmmm..." Charlie softly chewed her bottom lip as she pondered. "I'm gonna call her, see if she wants to talk about it. Maybe I can get an idea of what's going on in her head. I might be able to help her figure this out a bit easier."

"That'd be great." Sam said, "I'm gonna be in the library."

With that, Charlie patted Dean's knee and rose from her seat, heading toward the room the Winchesters reserved for whenever she came to visit.

 

* * *

 

 

You were sitting in the living room with your mom, passing a bag of Cheetos back and forth as you stared at the TV, only half paying attention to some show your mom turned on that you couldn't remember the name of, when your phone started buzzing.

You looked at the screen and, seeing that it was Charlie, quickly excused yourself from the room and answered your phone.

"Charlie? Hey, what's going on, how you been?" 

"Hey, girl! I've been alright. I was in the area and thought I'd drop by the bunker, but you're not here."

"Oh, uh, yeah..." you muttered sheepishly, "I'm, uh, I'm visiting my mom for... I don't really know how long."

"Listen, sweetie, the boys told me what happened. I was mostly calling to see if you needed to talk, or if there was anything I could do to help?"

You sighed, suddenly feeling like you could see the light at the end of this confusing-emotion-filled tunnel. "Charlie, I love you."

She smiled, "I know."

 

* * *

 

 

Before you knew it, you and Charlie had formulated a plan, and you were hugging your mom goodbye. Cas was going to take you back to the bunker, straight to Charlie's room, where you could hide out and the two of you could talk about this face to face, which you both thought would be easier considering your tendency to communicate relying heavily on hand gestures, facial expressions, and noises that you simply could not spell.

Charlie hugged you tight when you arrived in her room via Angel Express, and, after making Castiel promise not to tell the boys that you were back, promptly sat you down to hash out the particulars of your situation. You sat there together for what seemed like forever - if you'd known, it was about four or five hours - and during the course of your discussion, there were several near misses when one of the boys would knock on the door to talk to Charlie, to which she would reply, 

"Sorry, I'm still talking to Y/N"

"Hey, tell her..." Dean had started, sounding unsure, "Tell her I'm sorry for freakin' her out and that I.... We miss her..."

"I'll tell her" Charlie said, looking at you with eyes that said she felt bad about how bad Dean felt.

Dean had shuffled his feet for a moment and then clomped off back down the hall. 

"He sounds like a lost puppy..." you whispered, looking at your hands in your lap and feeling guilty for making him feel guilty.

"He's been acting like it." She replied, "Every time I go out there to get snacks or something, he looks at me like he's waiting for a sentence to be passed down."  _Great, thanks,_ that _makes me feel_ so _much better._

After several hours of in-depth discussion, you finally reached the conclusion that, as awkward of a conversation as it was guaranteed to be, you had to talk to Dean. Anything was better than letting him continue to beat himself up.

 

* * *

 

 

Dean was sitting at one of the tables in the library, nursing a beer and staring at a book that he hadn't turned the page of in the last 15 minutes that you'd been standing in the doorway behind him. You weren't deliberately trying to be a creep and spy on him, you just couldn't seem to make your legs work. 

Finally mustering up enough courage to make a move, your still-bare feet padded silently up behind him, and you gently rested a hand on his shoulder. Dean turned and his eyes went wide as he abruptly stood up from his chair.

"Hey..." you said softly, trying to figure out what you were going to say to him.

"Hey..." he mimicked, clearly not sure what to say either. He started to reach his hand out to you, but quickly seemed to think better of it, as if he thought it might scare you away again. That hurt, knowing that he felt like he had to be careful around you. You reached out and took his hand, squeezing it reassuringly.

That seemed to be all he needed, because the next thing you knew, he was pulling you tight against his chest, burying his nose in the top of your head and wrapping his arms securely around your back and shoulders as if he was afraid you would disappear again. You wrapped your arms around his waist and squeezed with all your might.

"I'm so sorry if I scared you, kiddo" he whispered into your hair.

"Don't," you said, pulling back to look him in the eye. "Dean, you didn't do anything." You pulled your arms from around him, placing one hand on his chest and taking his chin in the other, looking at him seriously. "You hear me?"

His eyebrows knit together as he looked back at you, and you released your hold on his chin and let your hand come to rest beside the other on his chest. "I was flustered, and confused, and a little overwhelmed, and I didn't know how to handle it, so I bolted. Ok, I swear to you, it had nothing to do with you." 

Dean was silent for a moment, seemingly staring into your soul, and you wondered what he was thinking. 

"So, are you home?" he asked quietly, as if he was afraid of the answer. 

You looked at him thoughtfully for a moment. "Yeah." you said, tears beginning to prick in your eyes at how hurt he looked at the mere thought of you leaving again. "Yeah, I'm home." The look of relief that washed over Dean made your heart ache. Had he really been that affected by you leaving? 

"Are _we_ ok?" you asked hopefully. Dean pulled you against his chest again, squeezing tight and burying his face in the space between your neck and shoulder. Dean just held you there like that for several minutes, torn between not wanting to let you go, and needing to ask you the question that had been haunting him all day. He loosened his grip on you and pulled his face away from your shoulder, instead, resting his forehead against yours. 

"At the risk of scaring you away again, I have to ask;  _Are_  we going to talk about this?"

You took a deep breath, steeling yourself against your nerves, then looked him straight in the eye. "Yes. Not now, but yes. I promise we'll talk about it."

Dean nodded, then cupped the back of your head in his hand and kissed your temple. "That's good enough for me."

 

* * *

 

 

A short while later, you all enjoyed a delicious dinner that Dean made; his go-to apology meal, which happened to be all your favourite foods - "What? A guy can't make something special?" Dean had said when you'd scolded him for apologizing again. "I missed my girl. Sue me." Dean pulled you into his lap and kissed the back of your shoulder.

 

* * *

 

 

It was a little after 11:00 when you emerged from your bedroom, padded quietly down the hall and knocked on Dean's door. He smiled when he saw you standing there in your dark green _Legend of Zelda_ PJs. Of course, he had little right to tease you; not when he was wearing the  _Batman_ pajama pants you'd bought him as a gag-gift. As you looked at them, with the way they hung low around his hips, you noticed the _Batman_ -printed waistband of his boxer briefs sticking out above his pants and you giggled. When Dean looked at you questioningly, you snuck a finger under the elastic edge and snapped it against his hip.

"The boxers too?" you asked, smirking at him. Nothing like giving a matching set of gag-gifts instead of just one! Dean only ushered you into the room and shut the door, swatting your ass playfully as you walked past him, chuckling triumphantly when you jumped.

You turned around to look at him, some of the humour from a moment ago leaving your face. "I was wondering if now was a good time to talk?" Dean walked around to the other side of his bed and sat down, patting the mattress beside him. You sat down and he pulled you into his side, hoping that acting as much like he normally did toward you might put you at ease and make the conversation a bit more comfortable for you.

 

* * *

 

 

You sat curled up against his side, with his arms around you and rubbing random patterns into your skin with his fingers, thinking over everything you'd discussed. You told him everything. You had bared your soul to him and you were surprised when all he did was listen. No jokes, no smug wiggling of his eyebrows when you told him about your crush on him. Nothing. Just completely attentive listening. And now, he was just holding you, having determined that neither of you really knew what to say about the kiss, or how it would affect your relationship from there on in. You decided that was something you could figure out when the time came. 

As you laid there, slipping further and further into a comfortable doze, Dean glanced over at his clock; 1:22 AM. Dean pulled the covers up over the both of you and reach over to switch off the light. He settled in behind you and pulled you back tightly against his bare chest, leaning forward to plant a kiss behind your ear.

"Welcome home, sweetheart."

 

 

 

* * *

 

The articles of clothing in question:

 


End file.
